Thursday, October 8, 2015

A Net Gain Good

People said, "A man is never grown up until 30." I would say a man never tries to be smart until 50. At least that was in my case.

After age of 50, I knew I could no longer work harder to get ahead, but I needed to work smarter in order to be an "old winner." However, I found out that it was a bit too late, when you are already 50 or older, to start to learn how to work smarter. I wish I knew this when I was younger. It is funny how I overlooked this idea of working smarter in my younger years.

I only knew how to work harder to gain more.

In fact, there is a better way to manage one's life. A smart starting point is to check up on your life, to make a list of your current lifetyle, and to figure out how much money you actually need to maintain this lifestyle or a lifestyle that would be even a bit better than the current one. What I have found was that I really did not need as much money as I originally thought to keep my current lifestyle.

For what I need to eat, I do not necessary need to shop at a more expensive, fancy food market, rather than the casual ethnic food store where the same food usually costs much less. For what I need to wear, I do not need those brand name jackets. I only need clothes that will keep me warm as those from Walmart. (I am not endorsing Walmart.) Will people look down at me for being too cheap? After 50, my life is for yourself not for impressing other people.

At age of 50, you just cannot fake anymore about your wealth. If you are poor, regardless what kind of jewelry you wear. If you are rich, the world also knows. When you are over 50, you just cannot fake  it any more, not even your age.

Another smart thing I have learned after 50 is that I started to count my net income instead of telling myself what I made in gross. As a self-employed person, I could easily live in an illusion of having a high income but remain poor because high business expenses can eat all that I have made.

I used to love to hear words from people praising my achievements. Now I see this attitude as being silly. Now that I am over 50, I love to hear people criticize me and my work. Because when people say how wonderful I am, I learn nothing. When people criticize me, because they care, and I learn.

Sweet words of praise can put one into a self-indulgent dream, but harsh words of advice can wake one up. That is a Net Gain Good. 




Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Mars vs. Venus


In the old days, it was writing love letters. Now it is texting love messages that lets the lovebirds stay tuned to each other all the time.

Oh, yes, some things never change. How about sinking in a sweet moment  of  dream with your lover in a sofa, without noticing that hours have flown by.
As a father of a young adult, I have some knowledge to offer young people. If you are a mature young adult who is considering your future marriage, you might be wise to keep in mind that your dating life should not imitate the pure playful style that high school kids may prefer.
You should wisely spend your time getting to know the person you are dating. If possible, find out about his past and his family background. You may be busy working or studying, which means your time is very valuable. So when you have chance to talk to each other or to spend time together, you want your time to be well spent.

Playing games in the dating process is not only childish but very stressful. For mature young adults, games should never happen in the first place. The best way to learn more about your partner is to open yourself to your partner first, then ask your partner to do the same to you.
Telling each other about loving each other is not enough; you need to understand each other’s philosophical outlook about marriage, family, society, the world, etc. If you two can increase your understanding of each other’s view point, along with learning from each other, growing together while you are building the bond of your love, then you will have an easy and pleasant path toward establishing a common philosophy that will be the only security for an everlasting relationship. Of course, the chemistry between the two is another requirement. A good marriage cannot exist without both of these key elements.
If for any reason your dating experience is not successful, please understand that is normal. You should not blame any person or hold any hard feelings with your broken heart, but move on right away with a positive attitude toward future romantic opportunities.

On the other hand, a married couple should truly be available to each other. I believe a stable marriage is beneficial to the couple in many ways. This is especially true to a family with children.

In modern times, divorce happens more frequently than it did in the old days. This phenomena is due to a lake of multiple “strings” that used to be together to hold a marriage in old days.

In the past, marriages were held together by many strings, such as family, social, and economic factors. But now, often the only string that holds a marriage is the romance, and once this romance fades, the marriage ends.

Any smart couple should know that real life has little resemblance to the life that is often portrayed in Hollywood romantic movies. Being a husband or a wife is a “job,” often, a hard job. Ask yourself: Is the person you will marry qualified for the "job?"

The lesson I learned from my marriage is that, a clear communication between the couple is very important. Husband and wife need to communicate effectively, not only so they will know how to satisfy each other but to understand each other's limits and boundaries.

I often think, divorce is a very costly  thing to most people. I think I cannot "afford it." Having said that, it is OK for people to get out a marriage that is beyond repairable, and it is also OK for someone who does not want to get married again, simply wishes not to go through this process once more.
Life is short. You have a moral right to have good time without hurting any other people.